Wrestlemania has come and gone and ***SPOLIER ALERT*** John Cena is the new WWE Champion and Shawn Michaels has walked off into the sunset after losing to The Undertaker. It’s fitting that the Rob Corddry and Clark Duke, the stars of the new movie, Hot Tub Time Machine, are hosting, because I’m sure most people would go back in time to change last night’s results.
(On a side note, I don’t care what Nick says, that movie looks awesome. Anything paying homage [ripping off] back to the future is okay in my book.)
Former WWE champion Batista walks to the ring to start off the show in Phoenix. The Animal is not happy as the crowd shouts him down. Batista pulls out the old “I’m cashing in my rematch” and “Cena can’t beat me” lines.
The champ finally arrives. Batista can’t seem to accepts the fact that he tapped out to Cena, even though that Wrestlemania moment will live forever. Tonight, Batista can regain that title on Shawn Michael’s final RAW. Cena wants the rematch, tonight, so Batista needs to step up. The Animal knows everyone wants to see the rematch, so he says not tonight, and takes a cheap shot at Cena. The Champ quickly dispatches Batista from the ring, only to get jumped by Mr. Money in the Bank, Jack Swagger. He beats Cena with the briefcase, and then calls for the ref. He’s cashing in the Money in the Bank! Cena recovers and almost locks in the STF when the ref hits the ring. Swaggers jumps from the ring, and waves off the match. The ref asks him if he wanted to cash it in, and Swagger declined. The match was never made official.
We take a look back at the career of the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels.
The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase leads a group of WWE Legends to the ring. They are followed by Roddy Piper and more Legends. The King joins the party, and I see were this is going. I smell a back in time match here. Tonight’s guest hosts from Hot Tub Time Machine walk out on stage. Clark Duke first announces a main event featuring Batista and Jack Swagger will take on John Cena and a partner of his choosing. Rob then says there will also be a hot tub match. He and Clark will take on the WWE Divas. (These are my kind of hosts.)
Match #1 – Christian vs. Ted DiBiase – WWE Legends Lumberjack Match
WE come back from commercial with the match in progress. Dibiase is the first to get tossed from the ring and the Legends help him back in. Ted hits a clothesline, and gets a near fall. DiBiase then counters a bulldog from Christian, tossing him from the top turnbuckle. Christian goes up top again, and Dibiase yanks him to the mat. Christian hits a flying elbow, and then looks for the Killswitch. DiBiase blocks it, and then both men spill out to the floor. The Legends throw the two back in the ring, and then start fighting at ringside. Christian hits a distracted DiBiase with the Killswitch and covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Christian
After the match, the Million Dollar Man confronts his son after the match. Ted wants nothing to do with him and heads up the ramp.
More footage from the WWE archive featuring HBK.
Clark and Rob look ready for their hot tub match. The Bellas, Rosa Mendes, and Tiffany are in the tub all ready. The rules are whoever stays in the tub the longest with the guys wins. The lights going down, and the champagne starts flowing. (Seriously, these guys have the right idea. If I ever hosted, this is the first match I’m booking, but it would be a one on one match with Gail Kim.)
Triple H walks out on stage saying tonight is the end of an era. He didn’t think this is how it would end. Hunter shares some memories and gets a little choked up. Hunter wants to say something he has never said before, but Sheamus smacks him with pipe before HHH can say anything.
Match #2 – Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Eve, Mickie James and Beth Phoenix vs. Maryse, Alicia Fox, Michelle McCool, Layla, and Vicki Guerrero – Wrestlemania Rematch
(Really? REALLY!?!)
Maryse poses, but the bell had rung, so Eve rolls her up and gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Eve, Mickie James and Beth Phoenix
After the match, there is a short scrum until the faces clear the ring.
Shawn Michaels puts the ladder match on the map against Razor Ramon in Madison Square Garden at Wrestlemania 10. Next up, Shawn Michaels versus Bret Hart in the Iron Man Match at Wrestlemania 12.
Bret Hart addresses the crowd after beating Vince McMahon last night. Hart congratulates HBK on his career and wishes him the very best going forward. Hart says he has found the closure he was looking for by beating the heck out of Vince. Hart thanks his fans. The Tag Team champions join Hart in the ring, but I don’t think they are going to congratulate him.
Miz can’t believe Bret is proud of beating Vince in a glorified handicap match. Miz calls Hart a thief, for stealing Miz’s spotlight. Miz says he is one and oh at Wrestlemania, and 17 wins away from tying the Undertaker. He calls Hart and his family overrated. Miz tells Hart to leave, and Bret says make me. Big Show steps up, when the Hart Dynasty joins Bret in the ring. ShoMiz takes off, but Hart calls them out. He wants them to take on the Hart Dynasty. Miz is game, but Show thinks otherwise. Miz talks Show into the match, and they head back to the ring.
Match #3 – ShoMiz vs. The Hart Dynasty
We join the match in progress. Miz is hit with a vertical suplex, and then tossed to the outside. Show tags in, slamming Tyson Kidd to the mat. He pushes Kidd into the corner, and tags in Miz. The US champion covers for two. Kidd fights back with punches, until Miz drives him into the corner. Show makes a blind tag, and then chops Kidd across the chest. Show locks in a sleeper, but Miz tags himself in. Kidd is kicked in the gut, and Miz follows with a chin lock. David Hart Smith gets the hot tag, and takes Miz to the mat. Hart and Kidd double team Miz, and Kidd locks in the Sharp Shooter. Show pulls his partner out of the hold and the ring. Show asks Miz if he has had enough, and the two head up the ramp. The ref makes the ten count, so the Hart Dynasty wins by count out.
Winner via count out: The Hart Dynasty
The HBK memory train rolls on with the formation of DX and all their runs.
Back in the hot tub, the boys are enjoying themselves; the Divas, not so much. Tiffany and Rosa have had enough and bail. Another star of the movie, Craig Robison drops in via satellite. Someone switched his ticket at the airport, but he can still host. He declares the Bellas the winners, and then announces a new opponent, Mark Henry. Rob and Clark try bail, but Henry won’t let them. Rob gets bit, and turn out Hornswoggle was snorkeling in the tub.
Match #4 – Jack Swagger and Batista vs. John Cena and an opponent of his choice
Cena gets on the mic and calls for everyone attention. Cena partner for tonight is an old friend of Batista, and it is Randy Orton! (I didn’t see that coming.)
Swagger and Cena start things off with the champ hitting a suplex. Orton gets the tag, stomping away at Swagger. Orton drops a knee, and looks to finish off Swagger. The All-American American rolls out of the ring, and we go to commercial.
After the break, Swagger has Cena in a waist lock. The champ breaks the hold, only to get a back suplex. Swagger splashes Cena off the middle turnbuckle. Batista tags in, whipping Cena across the ring and follows with a spinebuster. Cena counters the Batista Bomb with a back drop. Orton calls for the tag, and gets it. Orton unloads on Swagger with a scoop slam and then a back breaker. Batista breaks the pinfall and then spears Cena. Orton hits Batista with a RKO and then hands Swagger one as well. Orton covers and gets the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton and John Cena
After the match, Orton and Cena size each other up. The champ leaves Orton to pose in the ring.
Shawn Michaels walks to the ring for what could be the last time on RAW. The arena goes dark and the bells tolls, signifying the arrival of the man that ended HBK’s career. The Undertaker stands atop the ramp and tips his hat to Shawn Michaels before leaving. (It’s getting a little dusty here at the Plummer house.) Michaels doesn’t know what he is going to say as the crowd chants for him to stay. Shawn says not being on TV is going to be a little hard to get used too. HBK thanks the fans for all the years of support, and it’s getting a little dusty in the WWE ring right now. Shawn thanks Hunter for being his friend when no one else would; he also thanks the production crew, the announcers, and Jim Ross. The crowd wants one more match. HBK knows how people feel about career ending matches, but he doesn’t want to go back on his word to the people or the Undertaker. This is it folks. Michaels will do everything in his power to make sure that last night was his last match. Shawn also thanks Bret Hart, because he drove him crazy back in the 90’s. He thanks Bret for forgiving him for the mistakes that he made. And then there’s Vincent Kennedy McMahon; HBK says there is no way he can work for anyone else after working under Vince. He thanks Vince for keeping him on course when his life was spinning out of control. Michaels thanks the fans, again, and the fans reciprocate. He then thanks his family and tells his kids that, “Daddy is coming home.” The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels has left the building.
